When Things "Go Wrong"

If there isn't an emanation of love and joy, complete presence and openess toward all beings, then it is not enlightment. Another indicator is how a person behaves in difficult or challenging situations or when things "go wrong." If your "enlightment" is egoic self-delusion, then life will soon give you a challenge that will bring out your unconsciousness in whatever form -- as fear, anger, defensiveness, judgment, depression, and so on. If you are in a relationship, many of your challenges will come through your partner.... [Awareness] allows the pain to be and yet transforms it at the same time. It accepts everything and transforms everything.... If you are consistently or at least predominantly present in your relationship, this will be the greatest challenge for your partner. They will not be able to tolerate your presence for very long and stay unconscious. If they are ready, they will walk through the door that you opened for them and join you in that state. If they are not, you will separate like oil and water. The light is too  painful for someone who wants to remain in darkness.

-- Excerpts from The Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment (1999) by Eckhart Tolle