Conversations with God and Mental Illness Help

Dearest Cathryn (and anyone else suffering from mental illness or even hormonal imballances), I am ONE with your plight.  My depression was severe post-partum depression. My story is very long and takes too much to say here, but lets just say that I too considered taking my own life, on a number of occassions. Sometimes, when I considered it, I did so in despair that I HAD to do it. My thought was, the only alternative left for me is death.

I no longer believe this, and it wasn't JUST because of Neale's books. No doubt, his books were the catalyst for great change. But I had to grow out of my depression. It took time, many different conversations with others and books (A New Earth has helped a lot of people) and great faith in God, but I learned to see the signs that were given to me, and to hold them in my heart to keep me going.

When I found myself reliving a moment of despair, I would ask God why I felt the way I felt in this moment, why I couldn't be happy. There were a number of reasons and some actually physical... such as days of clouds and dreary weather, PMS, or even the absorption of someone's energy that was close to me. Believe me when I say that we can be sponges if we are already putting that vibration out there, and it can compound our situation!

Mostly it was my ego and the fact that I had learned to IDENTIFY with those feelings, which is similar to being addicted to them, even though we dislike them. Remember that the Universe has no "right" and "wrong" or "like" and "dis-like", so my vibration had lowered itself to be in alignment with my depression. It felt "right" to feel "bad". Make sense?

I found myself coming up with a "plan" for when those days appeared. So that I could be prepared to fight it off! But then I learned that what you resist, persists.. and that sometimes we have to stop feeling bad ABOUT feeling bad, and just accept the feeling of it as a learned response, something that we have been doing for so long that it is part of our Ego. You can't just STOP being depressed, but you can stop being depressed about being depressed, if THAT makes any sense.

If you have never watched What the BLEEP Do We Know, Down the Rabbit Hole, I highly recommend it, because for me it provided the AHA moment, when it said to always be the OBSERVER. When we are feeling so down and glum, acknowledge that we are and be OKAY with it and just OBSERVE. Eventually we will recognize the trigger and avoid it altogether!

BUT IT TAKES TIME! Especially if you have been this way all your life! And you need to be patient and to always come back to your center and keep on going because this is the challenge you have set for yourself in this particular lifetime.  To overcome the challenge will give you a very sincere feeling of SELF and I am confident that it is possible!

I hope my words can accurately give you some insight or relief to your situation. You are loved, so very much, and very worthy of every ounce of breath you take.

Namaste, Angie

~Being the Change, One Step at a Time~